Death Rides A Limo

Best not to ask, really. This is what happens when I watch MSG and realise that Lance's voise sounds like Death from the Discworld Novels. And lo - this fic was born. It's mostly written in snippets and drabbles and basically, it's my writer's block fic. I just add more to it when I get stuck on anything else. The premise amused me greatly because dude - I would die happy if I could be collected by Lance Bass. :g:

"Where the hell is Lance?" Chris asked, peering around the changing room in disbelief, "we've gotta be back on stage in two minutes!"

Joey shrugged. "Death waits for no man. Or no show either for that matter. We'll have to delay the crowd with small talk or something."

"Anyway, Lance is normally pretty good about not delaying when he gets called out in the middle of a show. Just slices and runs," said JC, sounding slightly muffled as he pulled the hood of his monk robe over his head, "At least he's already in costume."

Chris just did a dance of frustration and glared at his robe as he pulled it on. "He better be here soon."

Lance reappeared just as they were lining up to go back onto the stage. Chris took advantage of the last minute scuffles and kicked him in the shin. Lance glared. "What the fuck was that for!"

"Don't just vanish, you bastard. You could have dropped dead in the bathrooms and we wouldn't have known!"

Lance opened his mouth, paused and shut it again. Then he blinked. "Chris. That's a bit...impossible."

Chris glared and remained silent as they were being waved through towards the stage. As the first chord started, Lance heard a muttered "Was worried, fucker." behind him and grinned.


Chris was the last one on the bus after the show and promptly collapsed top of the sofa, despite the fact Lance was already sitting on it. He wiggled around a bit until he was comfortable - his head resting on Lance's lap.

"Owww. Someone kill me and put me out of my misery." He annouced to the bus at large. Lance chuckled and looked down at Chris.

"That could be arranged."

The entire bus fell silent and Chris's eyes bugged out.

"I'm kidding!"

Chris got up quickly and stepped away from the couch. "Right..I'm just gonna go...somewhere...else now." He turned and made a beeline to where JC was sitting and wedged himself behind him. JC looked over at Lance and tutted.

"You know he doesn't like it when you make jokes know.. your other job."

Lance pouted. "Spoil my fun."



JC looked up.  "Dude. Only if you stop talking in capital letters."


JC handed over the remote anyway.


They were somewhere, possibly Kansas, judging by the monotonous flat landscape that flew passed the window of the three man bus. Chris had convinced Joey to swap and retreated to the two man bus with Justin.

Lance stared out the window, listening to his laptop hum and then click into screensaver mode. Turning around in his chair he glanced over at JC and Joey standing in the kitchen area.

"Hey, anyone want to play chess?"

Joey and JC looked at each other and took a step backward, crashing into the counter. "Nah, thanks. We'll pass."

Lance sulked. In a dignified Death-like manner but still he sulked.


"Does it glitter?"

Lance looked at JC in puzzlement. "Does what glitter?"

JC waved his hands around in the rough shape of an hourglass. "The sand in my hourglass."

Lance blinked. "Oh, it's um, sandy but um...kinda glittery."



Justin was curious. "Do many people look surprised when Lance Bass arrives after they've died?"

"I've lost count."

Joey spoke up. "Good pension plan?"

Lance threw the nearest thing to hand at Joey, chuckling.

Joey picked up the object. "Hey, cool. An hourglass."

"Shit, give me that!"


Chris flopped back onto his side of the bed and let out a happy moan. "Oohhh. I think I just died there. Mmm, personalised service. Do you offer that to everyone?"

There was a deep chuckle by his ear as Lance slid an arm around Chris' shoulder. "Nah, that's a special service. You have to be Chris Kirkpatrick to qualify."

Chris stiffled a yawn and grinned. "Well, thank god for that."


Chris yelled at Lance. Lance yelled at Chris. Joey, Justin and JC sat at the front of the bus with their hands over their ears.

"Drop dead!" Chris pushed away from the couch and stalked away.

"Too late!"

"Fuck you." The bathroom door slammed behind Chris and Lance sat down heavily.

He wasn't supposed to have emotions.


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